Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
