when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
