Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
