So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
