we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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