And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
