I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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