now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
