Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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