Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
