And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
