So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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