someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
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I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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