dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
