I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
