Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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