wrigley field is MILF paradise
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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