; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
