i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
