I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
