dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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