I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
