i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
