this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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