New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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