I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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