how can u be prego again
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
