Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
