The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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