So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
