i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
