why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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