Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
