I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
