Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
