honey bunches of taint.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So vagazzling was a success
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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