it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
