When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
