no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize