He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
