Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
