Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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