loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
tell me about the eggs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
