We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
