He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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