Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
