My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
