could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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