opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
