i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My feet surprised me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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