anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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