I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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