just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
