Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
