is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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