so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
