census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
time to smoke my breakfast
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
