If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
