I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
