so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize