Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
