$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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