I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
