My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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