no, he came in my armpit
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize