hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
