Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You made out with two different species that night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
