On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
