Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
