I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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