I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
