I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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