Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
