we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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